Figuring out korean boys is almost like doing a rubik cube blindfolded.
In the end, its just a waste of time.
There are still moments where
im doing something completely normal,
like reading a book
or eating scrambled eggs,
but then i realize im doing them
and that is freaking cool.
as much as i am ready to go home,
and as much as i miss normalcy,
im glad ive extended.
one decade, year, month, or day
after i leave this country,
ill always look back
and think, “wow”.
When i get depressed i go to youtube
and watch 2pm’s music video for A.D.T.O.Y.
They are some sexy ass men.
had an emotional breakdown while writing in my journal.
One of the great things about living in another country is that sometimes the little things build up without you realizing it. Then, one day, it becomes too much and you end up bawling into the pages of your journal. Who doesnt love that?!
I can pretend all i want that the way koreans see me is okay.
Why wouldnt it be?
They talk non-stop about how “lucky” i am because im half, because if you didnt know, half is “better”.
However, its just a load of untruthful shit.
Why dont i have a boyfriend you ask, you ancient old ass adjumma?
Why its because you’ve raised your sons to think theyre better than me.
Youve raised them to think they can have whatever they want, including my time, energy, and attention.
Youve made your society obsessed with looks, so while half your women pay money to have eyes like mine, i wasnt born good enough.
You tell me i dress too sexy when i show minimum shoulder, but your middle schoolers shorten and tighten their skirts to barely cover their asses.
Your fully grown adults fit into clothes a toddler could wear, but yet you still tell them to lose weight.
You may have the lowest obesity rate, but you also have the most disgustingly thin people ive ever seen.
Usually i can deal with it all.
I can usually chalk it up to cultural differences, but even if its all done in absolute innocence, it doesnt hurt less.
I am proud of who i am. Im proud to be half of two cultures. However, lately it feels like im not accepted by either one. I feel slightly lost, rejected, and hurt. Its a confusing time for me, one that i hope will bring clarity and growth to my life at some point. The only thing left to do is to perservere and make my own way in this crazy country.
Ive always known that i really love my students.
They are smart children who have really accepted me into their lives.
However, a lot of the time I go throughout the day counting down the hours until i can go home.
Then today I went to class and my students started questioning me about what i would do if we went to war.
The class consensus was that i cant go back to america because they dont want me to go, so if north korea comes ill hide in their homes.
I dont know if it was the fact that they thought about me or that they wanted to protect me, but i almost started crying.
For the rest of the day i looked at them all with a new outlook.
I feel like the luckiest person to get to be their teacher.
I already plan on extending another 6 months, but even then, i dont know how ill say goodbye.
‘Cause here we are
We are shining stars
We are invincible
We are who we are
On our darkest day
When we’re miles away
Sun will come
We will find our way home
If you’re lost and alone
Or you’re sinking like a stone
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground
miss my mom when shes not here.
Then when shes here i remember how much we just dont get along.
Shes been with me 24 hours and im about to scream.
Maybe im a terrible daughter, but there are reasons i moved across the world.
Im pretty sure
if you let me marry any member of 2pm i would be the happiest girl alive.